Most new parents expect not to get much sleep in the early days or weeks of giving birth

Most new parents expect not to get much sleep in the early days or weeks of giving birth. Wellwishers often jokingly scrawl ‘no sleep until the baby turns 18!’ in congratulatory cards.  But when ‘less sleep’ turns into ‘no sleep’, it’s no laughing matter; the effects can be devastating. Sleep deprivation can lead to impaired memory, concentration and decision making abilities and has also been linked to postnatal and postpartum psychosis. And there’s another side to sleep deprivation that remains largely taboo — maternal rage.As part of this week’s Maternal Mental Health Awareness Week (1-7 May), four brave women share their stories with FEMAIL — including one mother who broke her hand in a fit of fury. Pictured: mother-of-two Nicole, 41, from Manchester, who sought anger management help as she battled extreme sleep deprivation I had to go to marriage counselling and anger management because I was only getting three hours of sleep a night Nicole Ratcliffe, 41, from Manchester is mother to two daughters Sofia, seven and Alyssia, three and is a baby and child sleep specialist.She attended marriage guidance and an anger management course after becoming enraged that her seven-year-old would not sleep. After experiencing severe sleep deprivation, Nicole set up a sleep consultancy business helping other families transition from pregnancy to parenthood.She says: ‘I had a traumatic birth with Sofia, who was born via emergency c-section. I couldn’t establish breastfeeding, I was in terrible pain and Sofia had an infection — we were on the back foot from the beginning.‘Sofia cried a lot at night time and was a terrible sleeper from the off.

I had thought newborns slept all the time, but Sofia didn’t. I was only getting about three broken hours a night.‘Lack of sleep caused my physical and mental health to take a dive. I was falling asleep on the motorway driving.
My husband and I had to go to marriage guidance counselling because we were so lost and frustrated with each other.’‘When Sofia was eight-months-old, I hired a sleep nanny and things dramatically improved. I was astonished by the change and when Sofia was 18 months old, I took a loan out, studied sleep training and set up my own sleep consultancy business Baby2Sleep.co.uk. At her worst, Nicole and her husband sought marriage counselling as they adapted to life as parents Nicole (pictured with her two children) found herself falling asleep while driving on a motorway Nicole (pictured with her two children) set up a Facebook group to offer support to other parents struggling with sleep deprivation ‘Then Sofia’s sleep became problematic again and I began to experience mum rage.‘I was teaching other people how to get their children to sleep- yet my own child didn’t sleep.‘I was so angry at myself and at her.

I was shouting, going crazy and so frustrated. Rage would bubble up inside me and I’d explode. I felt like I was failing. Why couldn’t I be the mum I had envisaged? I ended up going to anger management classes to learn how to control my anger.‘Anger and sleep deprivation is a taboo subject but it shouldn’t be — this needs to be normalised.

There are lots of angry and desperate mums out there and we need to be talking about this. ‘PND and postpartum psychosis have both been linked to sleep deprivation and I don’t believe sleep deprivation is covered enough in antenatal classes.‘Vital support is missing.

I want to fill this gap. After Covid hit, and my second daughter Alyssia was six days old, I set up a Facebook group, which now has 6,000 members, to offer support to parents when there was none and I run a YouTube channel offering free advice.’  I broke my hand hitting a wall in a sleep-deprived rage  Jane Scott (pictured with her two children) broke her hand after hitting the wall in a rage while struggling with sleep deprivation Jane struggled in the early days of motherhood after her daughter Megan (pictured) had to be resuscitated at birthJane Scott, 41, a sports development professional from Stirling, Scotland is mum to Megan, five and Luka, 19 months and is having counselling for her sleep-deprivation rage.She says: ‘Megan needed resuscitation at birth and went to ICU.

She was two days old when a neonatal nurse first remarked that she was hard to get to sleep and things never improved.‘I spent hours in a darkened room, going for 5km walks and 50 minute car drives in the middle of the night.‘When Luka was born he slept a lot and I thought things would be different.
But at four months old he stopped sleeping and I experienced sleep deprivation for the second time, averaging four hours sleep a night.‘It’s soul destroying. The rage erupts out of nowhere. I can hit things, throw things, head butt doors because I can’t control the anger. ‘The rage builds up and I lose it.

I can feel the heat rise but don’t realise how bad it is till it happens. I’ve broken my hand hitting a wall. I keep thinking something is wrong with me. Jane says she would only average four hours a night when her son Luka was born and began struggling with anger The mother sought counselling to help with her anger in the wake of her extreme sleep deprivation‘I’ve experienced mum-shaming and judgement — tried to talk to friends but I ended up feeling even more isolated and alone.

I discovered they were talking about me behind my back. I’ve now withdrawn from the group.‘I really do think we need to be talking about sleep deprivation and the rage that comes with it. Postnatal depression is now accepted and normalised but anger linked to sleep deprivation is taboo.
This is so wrong.‘I am now getting counselling to help me cope with the anger I feel when Luka won’t sleep. ‘I’ve also undertaken a course on matrescence (the transition to and through motherhood) which has helped me understand the mum rage better. ‘I hope to set up my own business supporting mums through matrescence, helping them understand the changes that happen when you become a mum — when you are no longer who you used to be, but you are not yet sure who you are. ‘The transition to motherhood is huge and I want to help others.’  I flew into a rage at my partner over tea bags  Melissa Woods (pictured) said she would ‘explode’ at her partner over small things when she was raising a newborn<div class="art-ins mol-factbox floatRHS femail" data-version="2" id="mol-ab3f8e20-ea91-11ed-9915-f3c40a14c1e0" website rise of mum rage: Motherhood made us so furious